Announcing a new Webinar series by soon to be best-selling author Henry Hitz on “Embracing Your Inner Asshole.” Your first installment of this ground-breaking webinar series is yours absolutely free if you’ll share your email with me so that I can inundate you with special offers, modeling the essence of my lesson.

The three essential premises of this world-changing webinar series:

  1. All writers are assholes. You have to be an asshole to think that anyone would really want to read your insignificant narcissistic scribblings.
  2. If you want anyone to actually read your shit, your primary job is not writing but marketing. Who is the archetypal marketing guru but your neighborhood used car salesman, a complete asshole if there ever was one? No disrespect to used car salespeople.
    • Most writers are introverts, which means they’re whiny, shy, terrified little creeps who are determined to make “nerd” a bad word again.
    • Most effective marketers, in addition to being assholes, are extroverts, unabashedly sharing themselves with an indifferent world.
    • This explains why the New York Times bestseller lists are full of terrible writers who are excellent marketers, some so excellent that they can lend their name to some drivel written by someone else whose name will be in smaller print, and that book will be a bestseller.
    • If you haven’t reserved your bendy air-dancer like they use on used car lots to represent your antihero, please do so soon, as demand is peaking. Here’s a link to our store.
  3. Especially as writers of fiction and memoir, we have to use living characters that we know as models for our fictional or memorialized characters in our stories. In other words:
    • We steal people’s identities and
    • Twist them into all kinds of contortions to make them fit the narrative
    • Yeah, you can give people phony names but, as Leonard Cohen reminds us, “Everybody knows.”
  • My thirteen part webinar – for the total price you’ll have to keep scrolling through pages and pages of ad copy – will show you how to embrace your inner asshole. Introverts: it’s time to turn that IN- into an EX-.
    • The first (of six) steps is to give up giving a rat’s ass what anybody thinks of you. It might have mattered when your mother was still alive. It doesn’t matter anymore.
    • The second step is to drink a lot of whiskey and smoke a lot of dope so no one can really hold your responsible for anything you say or do. “I was drunk,” is still an acceptable excuse for a wide range of behaviors. Attitudes change slowly.
    • The third step is to visualize yourself as a best-selling author, forgetting all your friends and fellow writers who knew you when but now you need to snub because they’re not in your league.
    • The fourth step: pick a fight with another writer, particularly one more famous or with a better reputation than you. Look no further that Norman Mailer. He picked fights with Truman Capote, Gore Vidal, Rip Torn, et. al. In fact, he is the poster child for embracing your inner asshole. He even published a book once called “Advertisements for Myself.”
    • The fifth step…no, if I give you all the steps you won’t subscribe to my webinar. Scroll down to the bottom of the page where you’ll see that you can subscribe to the whole webinar series for less than ten dollars a day!

Facebook Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *